Life as we know it.

Dying wasn't a new activity for me. I die everyday. Earlier you were there to console me, Now it's just your memories . I lost my mind, waiting on you to make up yours. You left me in the rain, soaked me with full of blames. Those words still stains like my blood on my tee. So I'm wishing further for the death to arrive rather than laying on the sharp ends of  knives. So my cuts have not healed , the scars remains untouched. Pain rests on my shoulder and sleeps in my heart. You are the darkest fairy tail in the dead of the night. Into  a psychedelic silhouette. Fear is how i fall. Confusing what is real . There's something inside that pulls me beneath to the dead weight. I can't seem to find myself again. These wounds they will not heal. Pain endlessly pulled itself upon me.Saying everything i have said before. They never make sense to anyone. Trying to find bliss in these scars of mine. Everything you said me took me closer to edge and I was about to bre...

Early . Not yet 2 AM. I find myself this as more intimidating with feelings at early point of insomnia. Messy hair. Messy bed. Just the music and words flow like stream of blood. Yet the lights are on , and I still feel darker inside. Tears evaporate. Hurt is moist. Pain is rain. You are my storm , which was a rainbow at once.  Its too hard and too late to feel my pulse. It's like the sun went down. I will always forgive you if you say sorry. And sometimes I  even forgave you when you didn't. The truth is if I decide I care about you I will give you 100%.. I did that always and still do . I never gave up on you even thought you gave me every reason to. Give me a bad person and I’ll tell you they are misunderstood. And I will find good in them because I try and find good in everyone. The truth is I put you first even before myself sometimes. And in those moments where I’m lifting you up, you won’t see that I might be drowning under the surface. The truth is...

Friday!  Promises are not meant to be broken. So here I'm writing this to you.  WORTH, what do you realize by those 5 letters. Nothing? You think you are joke? You are a joke in a way that keeps every single one of them around you happy and laughing.  You think you are a toy to be played? You are toy to me like a barbie doll/whatever that I take care of everyday and never be without it.  You think you have been told stories? 'Cause people are jealous that your stories of your struggle and hardships inspire them.  The worth of yours is something that makes every person ( if none I do) to wait just for your text. I cant tell there isn't a bad day when you are here. There are bad days. But you just make it smooth when the water is rough.  So when do you realize your WORTH and say it to yourself that you are worthy for every part of yours. This is WORTH of yours making me write this at this mid of night.  This is WOR...

I miss how easy it was with you. I miss how texting was fun, talking on the phone was normal and hanging out wasn’t an occasion. I miss how effortless it was with you — the conversations just flowed. I wasn’t afraid of saying too much. I knew you wouldn’t run away. I miss how things made sense with you; how you meant what you said how you kept your promises and how you always made time for us. You ruined dating for me because now I don’t get it, now texting is a nightmare and hanging out is a chore. Now I can’t deeply connect with anyone and I’m even more guarded. Now the simplest thing I say is enough for someone to walk away. Now no one means what they say, they don’t say anything at all, they don’t do much either and I can’t hep but remember you. People tell me my standards are too high and it’s because of you. I never felt like I was settling with you. I never felt like it was less than what...

It pushes me hard to  believe that you aren't here too. I watch you hanging out with your love that has replaced me and my memories in you. I still insist myself that I gotta make a change in this matter of you moving on and leaving me in vain. I resist myself from the memories , laughter, smell of your perfume. Well, it feels like I cant hold it any longer than expected. So what if I lost myself?  What profit did you make from my love that you had to leave it when it was a recess period? Is this what it means " Memories fade". Did your scars fade away too.?  Trust me, right at this  moment of me writing this piece of blog what you never gave a fuck for, I still listen to your humming tunes of songs that you prefer the most. "Thousand Years-Christina Perry" - was flushed with sweetness, tears , happiness, when you said " That song tells my feelings towards". So what does it say now? Fuck Memories?  I'm ending up somewhere I shouldn...

So heyy, Back to the writing stuff I suppose. So tonight I have to frankly tell you that I'm not over you. I tried manipulating myself from the thoughts I have about you , but failure knows me well. I stopped thinking it as a past and started to think it was those set of nightmares what I went through. Well I still do hope that you check my blog now and then, but it's already to disgraceful that I'm hoping. I did love you a lot. I think I do still. Why does these never ending questions spin up my head leaving me cold for every fucking cold night. What did you just do to me all these years? Why do I feel like I'm swallowing water and drowning when I'm just above the surface and breathing some fresh air? What magic did you just pour into my head, heart, mind, soul? Why did you leave me so complicated? Why do I feel some where that you are happy with someone else whom you don't belong to? Why do i fucking feel love from you? What was that day when you just showed c...