Life as we know it.

Dear Future Lover, What I would give to hear your voice at the end of a long day, a day that piled disappointments on top of each other, that felt more like years than hours. Your voice like raw honey, dipped in aged wine and made sweeter by the way in which you should to use your words to heal instead of hurt. What I could give to make friends with all of your fears, let them know I am here to stay. Let them know that they hold no merit, that I am a fighter and I will fight for you always. What I would give to be the first thought when you rise, the very last words you whisper as you drift off to sleep. The tether that reminds you of your humanness but also of your potential for greatness. What I would give to love you, as you are right now, with all of your flaws, all of your baggage, all of your quirks and intricacies. What I would give to hear the songs you sing in the shower, to hear you carry the music in your throat with ease. To hear you not taking yourself too seriously. ...

It takes a special kind of person to love someone who is broken. It isn’t simply loving her, it’s teaching her everything up to that point she didn’t deserve. It’s rewiring everything she’s come to believe and being the exception. It comes within respecting her brokenness. She never wanted to meet someone who could put her back together. She learned to love herself the way she wished other people had. She learned to own the parts of herself she used to reject. She learned to have confidence in what is broken, not letting what could be missing in her life, define her. So you’ll run your fingers along her sharp edges and show her it doesn’t have to hurt. You’ll show her someone who will stay, even when things are hard. You’ll show her it doesn’t matter what happened or with who, what matters is the two of you there right now. It’s teaching her she can trust someone other than herself. Because up until now she’s be...

Please believe me when I tell you I am trying, for you, I am trying every day to be better. I’m learning to love myself so that when you hold my face between your hands and whisper that you love me, I believe it. I am using every ounce of my strength to accept that I am worthy. That you won’t grow tired of battling with my insecurities or worse still, that you won’t wake up one day and see all of the things I dislike about myself. I am trying to accept that I deserve someone like you. So please don’t give up on me, not just yet. Keep making me feel like I am fixable, like I am not completely broken. Because with you, it makes sense, this fucked up world. And with your hand inside mine, I don’t feel so terrified of it, of myself, of my reflection. But the one thing I am terrified of, the one thing which sucks the air from my lungs and makes me ache in places I didn’t even know I could ache, is the thought of losing you. Of being too broken and t...

I found you and it was like I found a piece of me that was missing. I felt whole for the first time. You came and you took the weight off my shoulders and dried every tear. You were my rock. There was no making sense of some of the things that happened to us in our lives but there was a comfort in knowing someone could accept it. You made me feel like I was never alone. You made me feel like I could do anything as long as you were beside me. I looked at you as my person. I said I loved you and meant every word. I looked at you with confidence that this would be it, that you were the one. And then you weren’t. You said goodbye and I knew there was someone else. You thanked me for everything as I held back tears in my eyes, fumbling through the confusion that was an ending I wasn’t ready for. Because even when you walked away, I still thought you were the one. I still thought we’d be together. But life has a way of not happening the way you think it should. The har...

"You’re calling again 
and i wish i can say that im strong enough
to not answer anymore but it’s almost three in the morning
and im slightly tired and your old ringtone is ringing through my ears so loud my heart is starting to ache so maybe i’ll answer 
and you’ll tell me you miss me 
even if you’re drunk and slurring your words again and i’ll pretend it doesn’t hurt while i tell you i miss you too even though you wouldn’t remember this in the morning you were always a heavy drinker and i wish i was strong enough to not answer anymore 
especially when you’re calling me in the middle of the night because you’re lonely but let’s face it 
you’re calling again 
and it’s almost three in the morning
and you always did know i’d answer" —3 in the morning and you’re calling again

There was a Universe in which you and I worked out. It’s not this Universe, obviously.  But there’s a Universe in which we chose differently. In that Universe, I like to think that we are clasping onto one another’s hands on an airplane headed to anywhere. You’re kissing my forehead while we stand in line at customs; I’m falling asleep in your arms in the cab ride home. I let myself be free in that Universe, in the distinct way that only you seem to know how to be. Because the thing is, your soul is barely human. You are the first rays of sunshine exploding through the curtains in the morning. You are fresh fruit and ocean breezes and wide-open stretches of sky. You are endless days of summer. You are infinities. And in some other life, I choose to be all those things alongside you. I like to think that other-you and other-me are happy. I like to think that it’s the sunniest day of the summer every day when I am with you in that other-...

There are some people who love so deeply and care so much and give every bit of themselves to others, so much so they don’t have anything for themselves. They are the types of people who give away parts of themselves to make others feel whole. There are some people who show an unwavering strength as they lift others and make them feel better, but they can’t figure out how to channel that into themselves. It’s the same people who hide tears you don’t know about. It’s the same people who feel lonely in a crowd. It’s the same people who look at others in love and wonder when it will be their turn. Listen — if you are one of those people, I know you’re getting tired of trying so hard. I know it’s a lot to be the way you are and you won’t ever admit it. I want you to know you aren’t like the rest of them. I want you know I’m proud of you for your strength. I want you to know one day being exactly as you are, will ...