Many "?" and not even a "."

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So heyy, Back to the writing stuff I suppose. So tonight I have to frankly tell you that I'm not over you. I tried manipulating myself from the thoughts I have about you , but failure knows me well. I stopped thinking it as a past and started to think it was those set of nightmares what I went through. Well I still do hope that you check my blog now and then, but it's already to disgraceful that I'm hoping. I did love you a lot. I think I do still. Why does these never ending questions spin up my head leaving me cold for every fucking cold night. What did you just do to me all these years? Why do I feel like I'm swallowing water and drowning when I'm just above the surface and breathing some fresh air? What magic did you just pour into my head, heart, mind, soul? Why did you leave me so complicated? Why do I feel some where that you are happy with someone else whom you don't belong to? Why do i fucking feel love from you? What was that day when you just showed concern on Feb 21 '17 and I wished that you would ring me or just leave some couple of texts wishing me.
Why do I have to keep telling myself it's over? It's over to you. Not me. I still love you. Why did you tell me that you din't deserve me and I needed someone better than you? I was just a fool. I had to keep my own shit together. I never did deserve to ask you things. I was a total looser. I heard a lot of "No's" from you. I always hoped for the wrong, Did I? The last "Yes" I heard from you was when I asked you  "Do you need me?" Those words, were broken like those chemical bonds, well it doesn't just stop right there, it haunted me down, poisoned me. That poison affected my Happiness. Why my love? Why did I have to go through this? Why could'nt just tell me earlier before I even happened that I'm not gonna get 1/100 things. ?  Why din't I realize that there was a dead end? Why didn't I realize the sign board written "Numbness Ahead"? 

I really do miss you , I can't or able to cover your space with anybody else. Wish I could just cut myself down to those pieces where i feel so numb. These feelings are like a god damn river that never stops even on hard summers? I tried to figured out why and I found out that its "FEELINGS". 

All those demons come crashing in. When do i start feel to begin? or when do i start to fade? 

Just so you know or not know . this is really hurting than you could imagine. It's like these wounds dipped in salt everytime i think of you. It feels sudden change from calm rains to storms. It feels like the sound of blood dripping from my hand. 

I wish I could just disappear from these feelings and may be never come back to this world.

-12AM and I figured Im not capable of forgetting.

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